On a cloudy New York day, Liz Lemon is making her way through a group of obnoxious men and women dressed in tropical wear, drinking the day away. Turns out they're Crabcatchers, a devoted legion of fans here to support Jenna's upcoming Today Show appearance where she'll perform her new hit "Catching Crabs in Paradise," which, as it turns out, isn't just an innuendo. Liz is stunned that Jenna's song is actually a thing. The leader of the Crabcatchers is offended that New Yorkers are oblivious to things going on across the country, like mall fires, swamp races, and the apparent success of Jenna Maroney.
Jack calls Liz into his office to invite her to a fancy luncheon that his current paramour can't attend because she's on pelvic rest after their weekend in Aspen. Just as Liz grows excited at the thought of all the cocktail shrimp, Jack warns her that it's a Republican event and Liz must come as his chum, without opinions. Downstairs, much to the frustration of the writers' room, the Crabcatchers continue to be a noisy nuisance just outside. Frank cannot believe that the crowd forced him to walk an extra block; his doctor has made it very clear that if he gets moderate exercise, he'll die! Jenna's unfazed, and offers the room Crabcatchers Fiesta Crab Hats, at the discounted price of just $49.95 a pop. She demonstrates: the felt claws hold your cigarette while you open a beer!
At the luncheon, Liz has strategically stationed herself next to the bowl of shrimp. While she's enjoying the food, she can barely stand overhearing the snippets of Republican conversation. A pal of Jack's asks if he's still at NBC "with all those communists and homosexuals," but Jack merely toasts to the future, which doesn't include "subsidizing female promiscuity in the name of healthcare."
Back at 30 Rock, The Crabcatchers are being led on a tour by an NBC page. Pete's enraged. Jenna strolls in and tells him it's "beer-o-clock somewhere," milking her new (and faux) persona as a relaxed, chill human. Watching her fraudulent act, the writing staff realizes they've got Jenna over a barrel. The only way she can retain her fans is for her to continue the "chill" act around them. The writers smell revenge.
Back at the luncheon, an aggravated Liz has had enough. Not even shrimp can silence her as she lashes out at the room full of Republicans and inbred WASPS. She starts a stump speech: she and her boyfriend aren't married, but they may have a baby, and Liz hopes it's gay! If homosexuality is "unnatural" then why do male dolphins make love? Teachers should get paid one million dollars a year! Mortified, Jack sweeps in and notifies the room that if Obama is re-elected for four more years, crazy people like Liz, who has an iPad subscription to the New Yorker, will destroy the country. Liz is offended, but Jack assures her she's his chum: the bait that he throws in the water to attract the big fish. He's played Liz perfectly for his party's gain.
At Jenna's Crabcatchers fan event the TGS staff bombards her, knowing she can't lose her cool in front of hundreds of fellow Crabcatchers. Frank lays out Jenna's pre-nose job headshots for her to sign so he can sell them on the Internet, while J.D. gives her the haircut he's always dreamed of giving her. Later, a venomous Jenna warns the trio that they better leave her alone or her faithful Crabcatcher army will make their lives miserable. Back at the luncheon, Liz realizes that Jack's date didn't cancel. He purposefully tricked Liz into coming so that he could unite the room against a common enemy. Liz doesn't understand his obsession with money being the sole answer to this country's problems; ideas can change the world. She suggests they duke it out, Democrats vs. Republicans. In Liz's words, "may the best gender-non-specific person win."
Liz storms into the TGS writers' room, ready to mobilize the team for the Democratic cause. She challenges them; their prior jokes like Baseball Mitt Romney and Barack O'Llama are stale. They clearly need something to go viral, and preferably that something that includes a young, hot celebrity. Just then, J.D. reveals that his grandnephew, Twilight star Kellan Lutz, is visiting. Perhaps Liz's prayers have been answered. Meanwhile, Jack meets with his team, which includes Garrett, a Romney son, about what they can do for the campaign. Romney needs the black vote, and there isn't a problem in the world that can't be solved by throwing some money at it!
To garner the black vote, Jack's company "Americans for an American America" pays Don Cheadle 10 million dollars to star in a commercial endorsing Romney. Don gags every few lines, but ultimately gets through it. Jack proudly shows the masterpiece to Dot Com and Grizz, who call it garbage. Meanwhile, Liz has Kellan perform a monologue on TGS about the constitution of the United States, but unfortunately he can't even be heard over the screaming females in the audience. Unable to resist the crowd, Kellan begins unbuttoning his shirt as his message gets lost in translation.
Jack can't believe that in one day he's spent millions of dollars on Romney campaign efforts and yet the black vote is still at zero percent. Liz too is disappointed with her inability to make a difference. Tracy steps into her office and claims that because he's done stand-up in every state in this country, he knows exactly how the election will play out. We see a montage juxtaposing Jack and Tracy, explaining which state will go to which candidate. For example, Romney has a property in New Hampshire that he hunts humans on, so NH goes to Obama, while North Carolina isn't on board with a black man lecturing them, according to Tracy. According to both Tracy and Jack, Florida, the penis of America, is still undecided.
Frank and crew run up to Pete to inform him that they've finally found a way to destroy Jenna once and for all. Frank has been compiling a super mashup with seven years' worth of footage of Jenna's worst moments, from stealing in stores to threatening to "take a D in the green room." To everyone's surprise, Pete takes the DVD and cracks it in half. He explains: last night the Crabcatchers welcomed him into their clan and showed him a life without neck pain or fear, just easy living. In separate rooms, Jack and Tracy are dissecting the voting regions of Florida. They're both puzzled by those in northern Florida, a collection of beach bums, elderly shut-ins, and bus passengers who ran out of money. The peoples' motto? "Unwindulax." So will it be Obama or Romney who sways these people? Just then, Liz turns on the TV to see Jenna performing on "The Today Show." Turns out one person can make a difference, and wildly enough, that person is Jenna Maroney, queen of the bums of northern Florida! Liz is stunned while Jack is terrified. To be continued...