Hiding in a large cardboard package, Liz's old agent Simon has himself delivered to the TGS offices to tell Liz he's received her new contract. Liz is insulted, telling Simon 1. he's not her agent anymore and 2. that Jack can't just send over paperwork - he needs to discuss her deal with her.
Tracy finds Jenna in the hall. Their shared accountant, Marty Goldstein, has asked if they could be hired to entertain at his son Adam's bar mitzvah. Jenna thinks it's a great idea. "Getting paid to help a boy become a man? That's kind of my wheelhouse," she tells her co-star.
Liz meets with Simon to discuss the deal points of her contract. When Simon heads for the bathroom, she spots a series of instructional DVDs on negotiation featuring Jack Donaghy himself. She's inspired: now she can literally beat Jack at his own game.
Kenneth wonders if, after Jack temporarily dissolved the page program, the TGS staffers noticed when he was gone. They hadn't. He discovers Jenna didn't notice either. He's incensed and hurt.
At the bar mitzvah, Marty, Jenna and Tracy are shocked to learn that Marty's son doesn't want the TGS stars as entertainment - he wants Transformers. Jenna and Tracy try to collect their fee and slip out, but Marty insists that they give his son what he wants. He threatens to tell the IRS about various improprieties if they don't play along. They don makeshift robot costumes and give it their best. Adam is nonplussed. They butcher Abbott and Costello's "Who's on First?" as the crowd boos.
Disgusted that no one even missed him, Kenneth convinces a fellow page, Hazel Wassername, to trade places. Kenneth's now working as a page on the Suze Orman show, and she's the new TGS page. The writers see through Kenneth's ploy for appreciation; they agree not to beg him back. But Hazel's no Kenneth: she gets the coffee orders wrong and nearly kills Frank by serving him food with peanuts in it.
Kenneth introduces himself to Suze Orman. He tells her of his ploy to get his old co-workers to like him. She sizes Kenneth's problem up not as a social problem, but as a money problem. She tells him he must quit the page program immediately, get another job and save for his future.
Liz and Simon sit in Jack's office, negotiating. Simon declares Liz will need a cut of merchandising revenue. Jack, practicing his putting on the carpet, responds it's a nonstarter. He also offers Liz a two percent salary reduction. Liz takes action. She tells Jack that the meeting is over and that he can email when he wants to make a serious offer. She also tells Simon he's fired. Jack's impressed.
Jenna and Tracy realize that Marty's son Adam is really just acting out about something; as stars, they can relate. Jenna probes Adam, and he reveals he's nervous about being expected to dance with a girl later. Jenna and Tracy give him some honest words of encouragement, and the boy heads off. Jenna and Tracy turn over a new leaf: they're going to just be honest with people from here on.
Liz comes back for another round of negotiation with Jack, following his DVD tips to a tee. Jack's caught off-guard, then realizes what's happening. He's negotiating with himself. It's mano a mano - the ultimate Jack-off!
Liz brings a gift by for Jack as a token for their negotiation; she noted in Jack's DVD that the "winner" should get the "loser" a gift. Jack is disconsolate that he's lost a simple negotiation. He muses about joining a nonprofit. He announces that he hates himself and begins whimpering. Liz can't handle it and, in a rush to make Jack feel better, gives up her newly won rights of merchandising. Jack snaps back to his old self. He had to prove to them both that he could still win - even if it meant feigning crying.
Jenna and Tracy make an announcement to the staff in the studio, explaining their new honesty policy to all. Pete says that Kenneth has informed him that he's intending to quit the page program, so he can make more money and earn their respect. Tracy tells Kenneth that while he does in fact need him as a page, he knows the job is a dead end for him.
Kenneth barges in and announces to Jack that he's leaving the page program. Jack's impressed and tells him he'll find him another job in the company. They celebrate with a drink.
Liz takes another page from Jack's playbook, setting up a meeting at her place of power: her favorite ice cream shop. She tries to get the upper hand, but Jack shows that he is a true master. Lemon can't keep up. Eventually he appoints "friend Jack" to step in and handle both sides of the negotiation. Ultimately, friend-of-Liz Jack spots a weakness in corporate Jack's line and pounces on it. Liz wins!