Jenna enters the writers' room with news that a popular feminist website called Joanofsnark.com has named her "Comedy's Freshest Female Voice." Toofer quickly points out that the article is referring to up-and-comer Abby Flynn, not Jenna. Jenna's picture is beside a snarkier article called "Why Does TGS Hate Women?" Liz objects to the headline but quickly realizes that TGS does have a tendency to make jokes aimed at female leaders with career-ending menstrual cramps.
Upset, Liz asks Jack if he thinks she hates women. Jack explains that all women - not just Liz - are genetically predisposed to being jealous of one another. To disprove Jack, Liz says she'll hire the very attractive writer Abby. Already bored of the topic, Jack talks about his current plan to eventually take over KableTown. He has targeted the CEO's granddaughter, Kaylie Hooper, a Justin Bieber-loving 14 year old. Jack hopes to persuade the girl to pursue something other than television so that nepotism won't get in the way of his career trajectory.
The guys on the TGS writing staff eagerly anticipate Abby's arrival. They decide that in order to have a chance with the funny blonde, they're going to have to create new identities. Frank pretends to be rich; Toofer pretends to be a bad boy; and Lutz pretends to be British. Meanwhile Jack gives Kaylie a tour of NBC to find out if she has hopes of working in television. Lucky for Jack, Kaylie says her dream is to become a marine biologist. Sensing an opportunity, Jack offers to introduce Kaylie to his friend, explorer Bob Ballard, the guy who discovered the Titanic, the Lusitania, and a guilt-free cheesecake recipe. Jack's on the board of the Museum of Natural History and can even arrange a tour with Ballard as their guide.
Abby Flynn arrives at TGS wearing pigtails and a slutty outfit. She has a cloying little girl voice and a tendency to share sexually explicit observations. When she immediately flirts with everyone on staff, Liz prays to her spiritual leader, Oprah, for strength.Later, Jack tells Liz that he's relieved that Kaylie's real interest is marine biology. He once shared the same fascination and so he knows exactly what to do to keep her obsessed with marine life - not the primetime schedule.
Jenna feels threatened by Abby's sexy act and tells Liz to get rid of the new hire. Liz objects, arguing that women have to stop tearing one another down. Rather than target Abby, Liz wants to help her. Maybe if Abby realizes she doesn't have to act like a sexy child to get ahead, she'll stop flirting with everyone on staff and giggling like an imbecile. Jack, Kaylie and Bob Ballard visit the Museum of Natural History. Jack and Bob do a great job of encouraging Kaylie's interest in marine biology. At one point, Bob even presents her with a student Argonaut sticker. Kaylie notices that Jack seems to be incredibly fascinated by this stuff too. She tells him maybe he should reconsider being a deep sea explorer. Jack says it was just a boyhood fantasy and that he doesn't have fantasies anymore.
Liz meets Abby at Riverside Park to talk some sense into her. She shows Abby a statue of Eleanor Roosevelt, and appeals to Abby to drop the slutty schoolgirl act. Abby counters that her baby voice is totally authentic and that she doesn't appreciate being judged by Liz. Meanwhile, Jack tells Kenneth that he's started thinking about his own legacy as a high-powered executive. Maybe he should follow in Bob Ballard's footsteps and do something he feels more passionate about. Could Jack Donaghy drop it all to become the world's best oceanographer? Just then he receives a collage from Kaylie depicting their museum trip. Jack feels more inspired than ever.
Jenna barges into Liz's office demanding to know why Abby is still working at TGS. Liz ignores Jenna's complaints and shows her a website featuring a video of Abby doing stand up. In the clip, Abby has dark hair and a normal voice. Abby Flynn used to be Abby Grossman, not some weird "baby hooker." Liz decides that in order to "help" Abby, she'll show the video in the writers' room.Jack takes another look at Kaylie's collage and realizes that she has used a picture of Jacques Cousteau that only appeared in Jack's autobiography! Kaylie's clearly read up on Jack and is trying to get him to go after his childhood dream and leave television!
Liz interrupts Abby's latest obnoxious story and shows the entire writers' room the video of the real Abby. Abby disregards the video, but when Liz shows that the story's been linked to Joanofsnark.com, Abby has to give up her ruse. Her voice deepens as she calls Liz a "stupid, meddling bitch." Abby explains that Liz's actions will only serve to help Abby's abusive ex-husband track her down and kill her. Abby changed her appearance to get away from him but now her efforts have been in vain.