Janet Jackson has been "pushing and forcing" herself to mourn her brother Michael Jackson's tragic death after holding back her grief for more than a year. The singer admits she suppressed her emotions after the King of Pop passed away in June 2009 so she could remain strong and support the rest of her family.
She refused to listen to the "Thriller" icon's hits for months, insisting, "I'm certain that one day I'll again be able to enjoy the miraculous sound of his voice but that day has not yet arrived." But Jackson reveals she is now on the road to accepting her brother's death and healing her broken heart.
In a candid new interview, which will air on America's "Today" show on Friday, February 11, Jackson says, "I was finally able to (start grieving). I was in Paris and it was one of those moments. At some point, you have to move on and I'm trying to do that and it (is) really difficult. There's still not a day that goes by where I don't think about him. Not one day, not one day."
"I'm kind of pushing myself, forcing myself to a certain degree to get over this because it's not the healthiest. I just spent the night (in Paris) watching all his videos and listening to his music. There were moments when I cried and moments that made me laugh. It was good for me; I needed it,"
"I guess out of everyone in my family, I never had that moment to cry about his death. I don't know if it was trying to shield the pain, or just trying to hold it all together because I saw that everyone else around me was falling apart. (I) never (took) that moment to grieve, really grieve, even at the surface. For now, yeah, I did (grieve). A year had passed and I hadn't."
The superstar died after suffering a cardiac arrest brought on by an overdose of anaesthetic Propofol.