Cory Monteith's mother speaks out for the first time a year after his death. "In the last few days, I'm beginning to accept it, the loss is horrendous," Ann McGregor said during an emotional interview with ABC News. "Until three days ago, I couldn't look at a picture of Cory, so there's been progress."
Cory's mom sat down with "Good Morning America" anchor Bianna Golodryga in her hometown of Vancouver. When the interviewer asked, "Can you talk about that night one year ago?" the grieving mother cried and said "no" while looking away from the camera.
McGregor remembered her son as a smart boy, "By the time he was three he could read and comprehend books. They pushed him a year ahead. Take a boy out of kindergarten at five years old, throw him into grade one and he was still beyond them. They actually pushed him into grade two that same year. But he still kind of, you know, left them in the dust. So he lost interest in school. He was always kind of, you know, looking for - stimulation."
"[When] Cory was 15, he did a code blue, and I think that was the turning point," she recalled Cody's earlier overdose. "He had a lot of emotional things he was trying to figure out - lot of it was he really wanted a relationship with his father. I think when a child gets invalidated, they keep reaching even harder. They want to find out why."
When asked what advice she had for mothers who were facing similar problems, she said, "I don't think we have power to change the choices they're making. I think with the kind of connection Cory and I had, if we couldn't prevent that situation, I don't have the answer." She added, "What could I say to them? Live every moment. Grab the second."
McGregor didn't blame Hollywood for what happened to her son. "I don't think blame is a good thing to do; that was his choice," she said. Despite the outcome, she's proud of what he had achieved in his career. "I'm still in awe," she said. "I always will be."
Cory was dating his "Glee" co-star Lea Michele at the time of his death. "She texts me and emails me," McGregor said of the actress. "She's hurting too; you see the sadness, I know her pain."
According to his mother when she last saw him before his death, the actor was looking for a place in Vancouver. "I think he was easing himself out of it," she replied to the question if he wanted to leave Hollywood.