May 05, 2014 08:20:49 GMT
The 'Community' star says President Obama looks older than 'Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler and even Satan,' and mocks Gov. Christie's 'presidential bid.'
No one escaped from Joel McHale's jokes at the 2014 White House Correspondents' Association (WHCA) Dinner at the Washington Hilton Hotel, Saturday, May 3. After a speech by President Obama, the comedian delivered his 20-minute monologue, during which he mocked politicians, fellows celebrities and even television networks.
The POTUS was among the first of his "victims" as he greeted him, "Good evening, Mr. President - or as Paul Ryan refers to you, yet another inner-city minority relying on the federal government to feed and house your family." He added, "I'm a big fan of President Obama. I think he's one of the all- time great presidents - definitely in the top 50."
Later, he said President Obama looked older than "Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler and even Satan," adding, "Just because -- look, Morgan Freeman has played a president a few times? That doesn't mean you have to look exactly like him, all right?"
He then moved to Mrs. Obama, praising her for showing "us all how to tear a phonebook in half with your bare hands. That was... it was incredible." On the White House Correspondents' Association which booked him, he said, "I'd also like to thank the White House Correspondents' Association for having me and for not being able to book Jimmy Fallon."
He also mocked Gov. Chris Christie and his presidential bid that was "over quickly." After mocking his Bridgegate scandal, the "Community" star asked, "Governor, do you want bridge jokes or size jokes? Because I've got a bunch of both. I could go half and half. I know you like a combo platter," but later said he's sorry for that joke.
"I didn't know I was going to tell it, but I take full responsibility for it. Whoever wrote it will be fired. But the buck stops here. So I will be a man and own up to it, just as soon as I get to the bottom of how it happened, because I was unaware it happened until just now. I'm appointing a blue-ribbon commission of me to investigate the joke I just told. And if I find any wrongdoing on my part, I assure you I will be dealt with. I just looked into it. It turns out I'm not responsible for it. Justice has been served," he said, which was responded with applause. "He's going to kill me."
Taking on Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's scandal, he said, "Between Rob Ford, Justin Bieber and Ted Cruz, you just want to tell Canada, hey, hey, relax, we already have a Florida." He continued with a Cruz joke, "Ted Cruz proposed a government shutdown to protest the Affordable Care Act. And everyone else in Congress decided to go along with it simply to get some time away from Ted Cruz."
On Hillary Clinton, McHale said she "has a lot going for her as a candidate. She has experience. She's a natural leader. And, as our first female president, we could pay her 30 percent less. That's the savings this country could use."
While noting Fox News as "the highest-rated network in cable news," he added, "And it's all thanks to their key demographic, the corpses of old people who tuned in to Fox News and haven't yet been discovered." As for CNN, he said the network's "desperately searching for something they've been missing for months - their dignity."
He later mentioned Oscar winner Jared Leto, who was one of the guests at the event, saying a Republican senator asked to be introduced to "that hot chick from 'Dallas Buyers Club'." He also poked fun at veteran actor Robert De Niro, taking a jab at his willingness to take any job. "Now, I don't do a DeNiro impression, but I do an impression of Robert DeNiro's agent. You ready? Here it is. Ready? 'Ring, ring. He'll do it.' Mr. DeNiro, I was in 'Spy Kids 4', so clearly I'm beyond reproach. So I will see you on the set of 'Spy Kids 5'."
The host of "The Soup" didn't forget to poke fun at HealthCare.gov. He said the website "was so bad" and the president seemingly agreed as he nodded. "Look, I don't even have an analogy, because the website is now the thing people use to describe other bad things," McHale said. "They say stuff like, oh, I shouldn't have eaten that sushi. I was up all night HealthCare.gov-ing. Boy, that latest Johnny Depp movie really HealthCare.gov'd at the box office."