The host of the 21st Annual MTV Movie Awards applauds Justin Bieber for beating up the paparazzi and thanks Kim Kardashian for taking the pressure off of him with her 'world record quick marriage.'
Russell Brand drew a steady stream of laughter when delivering his monologue at the 21st Annual MTV Movie Awards at the Gibson Amphitheatre in Los Angeles on June 3. He took a jab at the latest issues in celebrity world including Justin Bieber's altercation with a paparazzo, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's romance, and his own divorce with Katy Perry.
"Tonight is an important ceremony because according to the Mayans, the world will end in December this year," the British funnyman said. "If Earth hurtles into the sun and humanity is destroyed, we will all say as one: 'We had the MTV Movie Awards 2012 and it was worth it!' But let's not worry about the impending doom of our planet now."
He then addressed the first issue, shouting, "Justin Bieber beat up a paparazzi. Well done, Justin!" which was met with a loud cheer from the star-studded crowd. He also noted that the teen popstar was "so pretty" that "even if he was attacking me, I think I would do a little orgasm." Jennifer Aniston and Elizabeth Banks were seen laughing at his jokes.
Moving to the next topic, the host shouted "Twilight" and "The Hunger Games" before saying, "And if after recent events you think it's hypocritical of me joking about a celebrity beating up a paparazzi, wait until you see what I have to say about short-lived celebrity marriages."
Brand first talked about Kardashian's rebound love. "I admire Kanye a lot," he deadpanned. "His drunken stage invasion at the last MTV award show I hosted took a lot of pressure off me, like watching someone else get in trouble at school." Without directly mentioning his own failed marriage, Brand noted that the reality TV star did take a lot of pressure off of him with her "world record quick marriage. Thanks Kim!"
Brand continued, "I just hope [Kanye West and Kim Kardashian] do a new sex tape. I think of Kim Kardashian as the Stanley Kubrick of sex tapes. They're always brilliant, but she only does one a decade." He also dissed John Travolta who was recently sued by male masseurs for sexual harassment. He said he's going to give the actor a massage, "He needed it, man. He was so stiff, I'm telling ya!"
Near the end of the monologue, the "Get Him to the Greek" star mocked himself once again. "The last time I did an MTV awards show, I did end up marrying someone that was there. So tonight I'm going to keep my eyes peeled for my next wife," he said.