September 16, 2009 04:45:29 GMT
The 29-year-old actress admits that finding a new love in another person is not the best solution to get over Heath's death.
It's been more than a year after Heath Ledger died of an accidental drug overdose at the age of 28, but Michelle Williams has not yet moved on from the late actor. In a tell-all interview with Vogue magazine's October issue, she opens up about losing the father of her daughter, Matilda Rose Ledger, and how she deals with the tough times.
"I didn't know what my boundaries were for a long time, which made interviews feel very unsafe," she recounts on how Heath's sudden death impacts her life at the very beginning. "I can talk about grief because that's mine, about single parenting, about trying to balance work and kids. But what I don't have to talk about is what happened between Heath and me in our relationship."
"I was holding it together by a string and a paper clip in the fall and winter," Michelle continues. "I didn't know if I could keep it all together ... You console yourself by saying it's all a deepening process. But it's wired. After the first year, the pain is less intense -- it's less immediate. But the magical thinking goes away too. And that's a whole new reckoning."
Though she has found new love in film producer Spike Jonze, still Michelle finds it hard to get over Heath's memories. "I thought falling in love again was the only thing that was going to save me from the pain," she confesses. "This erroneous idea: It just makes things more complicated."
Despite all, the 29-year-old actress can still find strength in her and Heath's young daughter Matilda. "Every time I really miss him and wonder where he's gone, I just look at her," she tells Vogue, adding "I feel hopeful and grateful. For a while I thought we had lost everything. It makes you want to love better and live better."
Michelle Williams and Heath Ledger first met while they were starring together in 2005 film "Brokeback Mountain". They dated and got engaged before then calling it quits in 2007. Their daughter, Matilda Rose Ledger, was born in October 2005.